Knowing and tears
written at 10:05 p.m. on 2003-01-12
A slight follow up to the previous entry I suppose is what this is. You see, I figured something out that I thought you'd like to know as it's rather important. I know now why 'someone' did what he did etc., he used me. Yep, it took me a bit, but I got it. He did, I know it. I know it within deep within and I know it's truth. And it tears me up inside that it is. It really sucks, you know. Just all this and...*sigh*you're probably wondering how I 'know' that I'm right and that it's not just me going to the worst option. Well, that's kind of complicated. You see, I sometimes get these sudden knowings, like I know exactly what has happened that I wouldn't otherwise know. Yeah, this probably dosen't make any sense. Um, how about an exampe. Last year in Algebra I was sitting there done with my work and I was listening/watching the teacher explain a problem to this guy. Well, he quickly glanced to me cause I was slightly staring(in the listening way, not the he's cute way) and he stopped for a second then looked back down and talked to the teacher some more. But in that second I knew that he had realised that he liked me or something along those lines. And I was right. He had. Nothing ever devolped, but I had been right. And it's happened more then that, actually quite a lot and I throughly enjoy it. N-way, that's what I had and that's how I *know* that I've been had in a sick twisted game for him. And it makes me want to punch him, but I know I wouldn't. I just want him to go through this ach that I am, to get crushed in a game. It's simple, he dosen't give a fuck about me and he just wanted to see me squirm. See, simple. And with this conclusion I have also decided that I will not fall for a guy this easy again, ever. They are going to have to work, like I did, because I worked real hard with this and it was all for nothing. So, I'm done with it. Finished. No more for me unless I know for certian beyond a doubt that something will occur. If not, oh well. And by now you all probably think I'm crazy and need some sleep and that I'm making excuses for something that dosen't really matter or whatever. But you know what, that dosen't bother me. You guy's can think what you want, I know what I believe now and I'm sticking to them. So I guess I'll leave it with this and maybe I've enlightened some of you and maybe I've driven some of you away. I just hope that what's happened to me dosen't ever, *ever* happen to any of you because it's something no one should have to go through.....well, unless they're Travis(if you don't know who he is I prepose you read the surveys), but he's just him and I loathe him so that's different. May good luck and good fortune be with you all and may you never go through pain and grief.
written at 10:05 p.m. on 2003-01-12
A slight follow up to the previous entry I suppose is what this is. You see, I figured something out that I thought you'd like to know as it's rather important. I know now why 'someone' did what he did etc., he used me. Yep, it took me a bit, but I got it. He did, I know it. I know it within deep within and I know it's truth. And it tears me up inside that it is. It really sucks, you know. Just all this and...*sigh*you're probably wondering how I 'know' that I'm right and that it's not just me going to the worst option. Well, that's kind of complicated. You see, I sometimes get these sudden knowings, like I know exactly what has happened that I wouldn't otherwise know. Yeah, this probably dosen't make any sense. Um, how about an exampe. Last year in Algebra I was sitting there done with my work and I was listening/watching the teacher explain a problem to this guy. Well, he quickly glanced to me cause I was slightly staring(in the listening way, not the he's cute way) and he stopped for a second then looked back down and talked to the teacher some more. But in that second I knew that he had realised that he liked me or something along those lines. And I was right. He had. Nothing ever devolped, but I had been right. And it's happened more then that, actually quite a lot and I throughly enjoy it. N-way, that's what I had and that's how I *know* that I've been had in a sick twisted game for him. And it makes me want to punch him, but I know I wouldn't. I just want him to go through this ach that I am, to get crushed in a game. It's simple, he dosen't give a fuck about me and he just wanted to see me squirm. See, simple. And with this conclusion I have also decided that I will not fall for a guy this easy again, ever. They are going to have to work, like I did, because I worked real hard with this and it was all for nothing. So, I'm done with it. Finished. No more for me unless I know for certian beyond a doubt that something will occur. If not, oh well. And by now you all probably think I'm crazy and need some sleep and that I'm making excuses for something that dosen't really matter or whatever. But you know what, that dosen't bother me. You guy's can think what you want, I know what I believe now and I'm sticking to them. So I guess I'll leave it with this and maybe I've enlightened some of you and maybe I've driven some of you away. I just hope that what's happened to me dosen't ever, *ever* happen to any of you because it's something no one should have to go through.....well, unless they're Travis(if you don't know who he is I prepose you read the surveys), but he's just him and I loathe him so that's different. May good luck and good fortune be with you all and may you never go through pain and grief.